A Public Nuisance

The way the weather's been all week, you'd think we were in Scotland or something. It's been in the low 50's and rainy. It's fucking May for Pete's sake. Where's the warm? As for the rain, all of you fuckers with umbrellas need to go buy raincoats. If I have to dodge out of the way of one more goddamn umbrella, I swear I'm going to flip my shit and kill all of you with the bluntest object I can find. In a crowded city, these contraptions with their pointy rods sticking out every which way, are about as safe as plutonium in the hands of a two-year-old. Granted, I'm one of the few lucky enough (that's sarcasm) to be eye-level with just about every umbrella held aloft in this city, and therefore one of the few consistently trying to avoid being maimed or blinded by them, but I still don't see why others can't show a little more courtesy. Especially given the fact that the skyscrapers create wind tunnels, destroying umbrellas left and right, you'd think that most people surely would tire of fighting with these things and just suck it up and buy a coat with a hood. But no--they insist on endangering the health of those of us who's heads peak in the five-foot-eleven to six-foot-three range.

You're all a bunch of bastards.

In other news, I had the best hot chocolate ever today. As I told Sheena, if God were a drink, he would be this one. At $4, it's still almost a bargain. Thank you City Bakery (18th St. between 5th and 6th).

my posts

So, I re-read my last post and, jesus!, is it awful. This summary of events business leads to a pile of trash in terms of writing. In the future I'll try focusing my efforts elsewhere, like calling my writing trash, pizza, and comic books. Speaking of which, I learned recently that Ziff-Davis, the well respected publisher of Computer Gaming World, PC Magazine, and our very own Sheena Mohan's CIO Insight, published G.I. Joe comics. For some examples go here, here, and here. Apparently soldiers in the 50's were happy-go-lucky guys with broad smiles and babies, who liked nothing better than to kick Koreans in the head.

I hate =w= fans and other statements

So last week brought both a new Weezer album and two Weezer concerts. The concerts were both totally rad. At the first one, Sarah, Corinne, and I worked our way up to about two or three people away from the front--only 15 feet away from both Rivers and Scott! There was a fair amount of shoving and squeezing, but it was so worth it. Even the jackass who kept leaning on my neck and resting his elbow on my head couldn't bring the evening down. The second evening was more relaxed. Smarmie, Marty, Tera, and I watched from about midway back (which at the Roseland is still pretty damn close). Rivers was more into it and their set was generally more lively. My Name is Jonas and the Good Life were the highlights of both evenings for me.

Weezer fans though, have taken a turn for the worse. While there were still some clearly, old school, bookish, nerdy types, there were a huge number of obnoxious frat-boys. These guys hurled obscenities at the opener, Ringside, who were really a pretty decent dance-rock outfit. They hardly deserved the You suck!'s and the Get the fuck off the stage!'s that they received. The guys standing next to us smoked a ton of pot smoking before the show--so much so that one of them passed out and had to be carried off. What the hell happened to the quirky, D&D playing, comic book reading, four-eyed kids? A polo shirt with a popped collar is not becoming of a Weezer fan and neither is passing out before a show due to too much pot.

The weekend brought my parents to town for my cousin's graduation. It was good to see my parents (if you're reading this, mom and dad, that's a true statement). We had milkshakes and talked about life in general (speaking of which, regarding my job, there may be news about it in early June... I have a meeting). Then in the evening there was a dinner celebration in honor of my cousin's graduation from business school. Most of the extended family was there. The food was solid. I ate the monkfish (the most disgusting sea creature ever).

Sunday brought more family time with a brunch at my other cousin's place. We discussed the Chinatown buses run by the chassids, Utah, and college. I then bought futbol socks. The afternoon was spent watching a Light at the Piazza, a show at the Lincoln Center. I recommend it to all of those who like musicals and those who love a great cohesive design. In the evening I met up with Liz, Foxy, and Claire for a Sushi dinner on the lower east side. Claire and I then headed down to Park Slope for a preview of her and Sheena's new apartment, which looks like will be a great place for them. There's an actual kitchen. I look forward to many a meal there.

Those living in New York and love their fish'n'chips should hit up the Chip Shop on 5th Ave and 6th St. They also serve the classic deep fried Mars bars (as well as slightly less traditional fried peanut butter cups and snickers bars) As a bonus it's just across the street from the Superhero Supply Store (the McSweeney's/826 NYC Brooklyn homebase). Props to Liz for suggesting meeting there.

There were a few hours of futbol on Saturday and Tuesday. I played mostly like an epileptic (sorry Sarah, it's the best description I could come up with).

Then today after work I went to a Palgrave happy hour where I, along with a select few other Palgravians, downed an Irish Car Bomb.

Also, Revenge of the Sith comes out tomorrow at midnight. Cursory reviews make it sound promising. I am cautiously optimistic. Brendan if you're reading this, you will have final say as to whether I will go and see it or not. If it gets your okay, I will go. Keep in mind, if you okay it and it sucks monkey balls, I will be very angry at you.

one more for old time's sake

Chris Ballew
Lead vocals and guitbass from the Presidents of the USA--his site has a wide variety of stuff from pop rock to very experimental.

The Elected
More stuff from bands with members including Daniel Brummel. This is more introspective, down-tempo, electro-folk type stuff. Kwality.

Chris Maher
A former schoolmate of mine and one of the founders of the anti-folk movement. Acoustic guitar goodness.

mixed nuts

the stypod
Stylus Magazine's free download page. Updated regularly generally with a theme. See the side bar of music blogs for a metric shit ton of music sites (lots of free downloads).

sixeyes
A blogger page. Posts "six-packs" of music. Linked from the stypod's list of music blogs.

Daniel Brummel
Down-tempo; piano; pub music. Former bassist in Ozma, current member of Yes Dear.

I heard Weezer's new album this morning. I'll give you a quick run down of my thoughts. It's a step up in songwriting and musicianship from Maladroit (which isn't saying much). It lacks the immediacy and energy of their first two albums. Some of the lyrics are pretty generic (specifically Beverly Hills, We are All on Drugs, My Best Friend, and well... most of the album). Rivers pretty much stays in the same vocal range as the Green album and Maladroit, and much of the album also is the same intesity, tempo, and volume. Almost all of the songs have the catchy melody and sing-a-long chorus that we've come to expect from them. Overall, I think it's a pretty decent pop album, but only a mediocre Weezer album. The highlights for me include Hold Me, Peace, and Perfect Situation. Look for it in stores on May 10th. They were streaming the whole album on their myspace site (which is how I listened to it), but last I checked that site was down.

=w=

Because I can't talk for more than two minutes without mentioning this goddamn band, here is where you can find some wicked weezer demos and b-sides:

http://www.weezernation.com/
You have to click on media, then audio, then mp3 (this page isn't exactly legal, but it appears to be sanctioned by the band, as it's linked from the offical site).

I love the kitchen tapes: Thief You've Taken All that was Me, Paperface, and Lets Sew Our Pants Together are vintage blue album style tracks.

Later highlights include Lover in the Snow, Wanda (originally slated to be on the Angus soundtrack, but later replaced with You Gave Your Love to Me Softly), and the Songs from the Black Hole, which was a concept album scraped in favor of Pinkerton.

bon appetit.

three more.

Imperial Teen
A boy-girl band with penchant for making amazing a-sides.

Matt Sharp
Dreamy acoustic-ness from Weezer's original bassist.

Mindless Self-Indulgence
Punk-electro-hip-rock.

Music week!

This week I'll be posting as many links as I can to awesome music.

Lyrics Born--some west coast hip-hop for your pleasure. Funky.

The Brunettes--New Zealand pop-rock. They opened for the Shins on their recent US tour. They are way awesome. Just click on a song title.

Spoon. Just listen.

Beer Pong

On Saturday I played beer pong for the first time. It's an odd game. Ostensibly, the goal is to get drunk. However, winning means you drink less. I find this system of playing counterintuative, but that's how the game goes.

Regardless, I lost my first and only game. To be fair, we were winning by three cups and then my teammate Ducore was punched in the mouth. It threw off our zen. So he was bleeding and I was green (metaphorically speaking). Given those circumstances I think the outcome was inevitable. But in the end we did only lose by one cup and that was after the opposing team canceled our potential winning throw by sinking a return shot.

All in all it was a good party. At least as far as parties go, it was probably one of the more enjoyable I can remember attending. It's probably safe to say, though, that Parker cannot (remember attending).

A lot of other stuff went on this weekend, but it's late and I don't feel like writing about it.

Anyway, happy Passover.

Giant Roaches Eat My Dirty Socks

We've got a bug infestation. Our roach motels are full. There are no vacancies. As a result, we have a number of nomad roaches bumming around our kitchen at night. I do not fear roaches. As long as they don't infiltrate our food supplies, I think I can live in relative harmony with them. We seem to have come to some understanding. They can hang out in our dirty dishes while the lights are off, but they must be out of sight while the lights are on. Hanging out in our clean dishes is a no-no. Running around our countertops is verboten. In fact, they are not allowed anywhere that is visible if it is also clean. They are also not allowed to be out in groups of more than five at a time. These rules may seem a little fascist, but considering the alternative for them--being bludgeoned to death with a large blunt object--it's very reasonable.

More to the point, and by that I mean "on a completely different subject," I think Superman might be gay. This, frankly, would not surprise me. While I'm sure there are plenty of heterosexual men who love running around in a bright blue unitard, red cape, and with their underwear on the outside of their pants (or rather, legs of their unitard), it takes a certain kind of man to do it with such panache. And that kind of man is (probably) gay.

Welcome Home

This weekend brought soccer, symphony, and Smarmie, who made her triumphant return from Hawai'i in high fashion... well, looking for high fashion.

Recap:

Friday evening I met up with Liz and Smarmie for a pizza (what else would you expect?) dinner at John's Pizzeria in midtown. When the waiter asked what we'd like to drink, Smarmie ordered two pizzas. When the waiter finally understood that we didn't not want our pizzas liquified, but rather, round, and sliced in triangular shaped pieces, our he went on his merry. The pizza itself was pretty decent. Their crust could've used a extra charring. It lacked the body to withstand the weight of a plain cheese pizza, let alone a pizza with tomato and bell peppers.

Post-meal, we parted ways. Smarmie and Liz, I believe, went on a fruitless journey to CBGB's, while I had a very fruitful trek up to the Lincoln Center for a concert by the New York Symphony courtesy of my Aunt Ginger. While I'm no connoisseur of classical music, I especially enjoyed the drama of the first piece and the last movement of the second piece. There was a quiet-loud structure that reminded me a little of the Pixies and Weezer's first two albums.

Saturday we three and Emiko met up at H&M. After a relatively quick shopping trip (45 minutes?) We had an excellent meal at Japanese restaurant on 55th. Emiko ordered enough food to feed all the starving children in Africa. I bet her the price of her meal that she couldn't finish it. She got a free meal. I, however, at least enjoyed mine. To top it off we stopped off at the Teuscher store on 50th. Tastey, tastey chocolate was consumed. Emiko still did not boot. Smarmie was then carried off to Larchmont and Emiko, Liz, and I went back to Brooklyn to watch the Incredibles but watched Bend it Like Beckham instead.

Sunday was all about kicking round objects. The afternoon brought three hours of soccer. The last game I played in was populated mostly by West Indians. Play was only marred by a couple of unforgiving players barging into an area of sunbathers. A shouting match ensued, but no blood was drawn. In the evening I headed over to Williamsburg to play kickball with my co-worker and about a billion driz-unk hipsters. Play was only marred by a couple of pseudo-hippies banging on bongos in the middle of the field.

All in all, this entry is a lot less interesting than I thought it would be. For your sake, next time I'll try and include more lies and innuendo.

Baby steps...

Other portions of the Democrats' agenda targeted their progressive base. With the domestic partners bill, they gave unmarried partners, including gay couples, the right to make health decisions for each other. And they expanded the state's definition of hate crime laws to include crimes motivated by the victim's sexual orientation.

Go Maryland State Legislature! Maybe twenty years from now gays will have the same marriage rights as, uh... straights?

Also, if you haven't heard Ratatat's song Seventeen Years, please go forth now and discover its brilliance.

Spamalot! this evening.

Michelob Ultra

For those of you that ride the New York subways, you may have noticed the Michelob posters plastering the subway cars squishy innards. They depict sexy people doing strenuous leisure activities like mountain biking, tae bo, and swimming (the person in this one is doing the ever challenging butterfly stroke, replete with racers goggles and swim cap in what looks like a lake). Imposed in front of the person doing the activity is a close up of this person, skin coated in a sexy sheen of sweat (presumably after completing their workout), muscles ever so slightly flexed, and dramatically lit. The catch phrase is "This is your beer." The beer is Michelob Ultra, which has a low-carbohydrate content.

Now sex has been used as a device to sell beer (and everything else) for years, as have sports (watch any football game). If you make a product look sexy, people apparently will buy more of it. However, these ads seem to imply that drinking goes along with mountain biking, swimming in lakes, or tae bo. That the people who do these activities drink on a regular basis and possibly have alcohol surging through them while working out. The ad makes it look like an energy drink. They really seem like a cheap trick to make people who are already neurotic about their weight to believe that they too can be a sexy, athletic adventurer if they would only drink this beer.

This whole 'low-carb' fad drives me nuts. Large corporations are capitalizing on our nation's ignorance. (Independent businesses are too. What the hell is a 'low-carb' bagel made out of?) America, drinking 'low-carb' beer will not increase your sex appeal. Eating sugar free candy and avoiding bread isn't the solution to your body-image problems. Try eating a balanced diet (which implies not gorging yourself at every meal), exersizing regularly, and getting a decent night of sleep every once in a while. In conclusion, I am naturally thin and underweight, and it's unfair for me to complain about other people's weight problems, but for godsake, don't get suckered into living an unhealthy life by people trying to make a buck. Use some common sense and get off your ass and run around every once in a while.

Surprise!

I live with sneaky, sneaky ninjas. They somehow managed to pull off a surprise girthday party for me despite my keen awareness of my surroundings. By 'keen' I mean 'dull.' I am in fact oblivious. I never suspected...

If you're interested, there are pictures of the event posted in the New York photo album, which you can get to through a link a couple of blog posts below. Let me know if the link or password don't work. I can't say I'll be able to fix it, but who knows...

I'd like to apologize to the people who aren't represented in the photos. I tried to get a decent picture of everyone in attendance, but sometimes what looks good on a 1-1/2" x 1" lcd screen doesn't translate well to a 17" computer monitor. It's the fault of the photographer. You're all beautiful people.

Also, I'd like to especially thank Emiko and Lawry for throwing the shindig and Davida for keeping me occupied with delicious German/Austrian/Hungarian cuisine (Cafe Steinhof in Park Slope) and chocolatey goodness (at the Chocolate Room in Park Slope only a block away from Peperoncino's), and not letting slip that there was a surprise in the waiting. Good job.

And finally, thank you Brendan for cleaning my room. You're a great friend and a better maid.

What happened to Weezer?

Here's a stream of the new Weezer single, Beverly Hills:

Windows Media Player here, RealPlayer here


Judge for yourself.

Lookie!

Photos!
login: wifain@gmail.com
password: *********

Weekend Update: Uisce Beatha (pronounced Ish-Kay Ba-Ha)

So Friday was Palgrave Macmillan's Production Department's first ever (as far as I know) Fancypants Day. On this day the production department dressed to the nines (or eight-and-a-halfs) in the spirit of fun and bonding. Red and black appear to be the new plaid. Despite the distraction of my co-workers' swanky attire, I managed to crank out seven purchase orders and send them all off to our printer. Following the end of the work day a few of us went out for some drinks and more further bonding. Whiskey was consumed of the Glenfiddich and Glenlivet varieties. Further bonding was had over sushi with Emiko and Yasmin.

Saturday brought some fútbol action. I had a couple of decent passes, scored a goal, but made no particularly memorable plays. In the evening I ran lights and sound for Elana Fishbein's comedy troupe, Abearable. It turned out to be a good show with a fairly responsive crowd. Post-show, I headed home to get some work done on wedding invitation designs. Things are moving along in that department, but slowly. I'm finally getting to a point in my art nouveau idea where I'm relatively pleased with how it looks. It's taken me a fair amount longer to come up with something I liked than I expected.

Today I took a jaunt up to Vassar for some quality time with Sarah. It was really great. There were cameo appearances by Jacob Moses, Kat Oliver, and Emily Fishbaine. We wandered around campus and the golf course, which was much more pleasant than wandering around the busy streets of New York City. Being surrounded by grass and trees instead of slabs of concrete and frenzied people was necessary for my mental health. Dinner was consumed at the Beech Tree, and included for some their melted brie appitizer and New Zealand lamb. It was scrumtrulescent.

Oh, I also scored a weezer ticket for the 5/12 show on eBay Saturday morning. Joy. I will bring an extra pair of socks with the expectation that the first pair will get rocked off.

Existential Dilemma in the Publishing World.

What follows is an email exchange between some of the production crew (Y = Yasmin, K = Ken, W = Will (me)). The initial email is a company wide announcement. The exchange has some slight edits for the sake of continuity, though some of this may seem kind of incoherent to those not involved in the original exchange.

-----Original Message-----
From:
Sent: Tuesday, March 22, 2005 11:27 AM
To:
Subject: Free Book Day at Holt

Henry Holt's last free book day at 18th Street will take place this , in the Robert Frost Conference Room. As we will be moving to the Flatiron in a few weeks, we'll have a huge selection of books available. We'd like to invite you to stop by any time from 1pm to 5pm and take a look. See you there!

Y: Woo hoo, good books that we actually want to read!

W: One can only hope.

Y: So formal, again. I love it. Or is it “one loves it”?

K: "one can only hope" isn't formal, it's sarcastic. Now "Only in dreams" that's formal.

W: Formal is also formal, or is that 'meta'?

K: Po-po? [as in post-postmodern]

W: No, I'm pretty sure it's just solely po.

K: Meta-po perhaps?

W: Self-reference is often a trait of postmodernism. I'm not sure "meta-po" really makes much sense as a term, though it could be a postmodern term, as it lacks clear definition, yet clearly has some meaning within the context of this discussion; its very existence is questionable, yet here it is, and is therefore contradictory. It is self-referential and satirical, "meta" having been tacked on to "po" to draw attention to the self-reference often found in "postmodernism" and unequivocally displaying its ridiculousness as a self-referential term that encompasses self-reference.

K: Oh okay, you old crummudgeon. Po-meta. Happy now?

Y: Larry, gear down. That shiksa book described all jewish men as thinking they were channeling jon stewart but really channeling larry david. Vindication! Po-megranate.

K: As for Meta-Po, are you trying to argue that the absurd has no meaning?

W: No, I'm saying that which is meaningless is absurd.

K: What else is absurd? Do these things have meaning?

Y: I think everything, especially things that are meaningful, have the potential to be absurd.

K: Hmmm, doesn't everything and anything have the POTENTIAL to be everything and everything?

Y: Maybe if you’re a moral relativist…

K: How dare you! Actually, I don't think my "morals" should come under discussion today…maybe over copious amounts of beers… but not until then… So yasmin thinks that the meaningful is especially prone to the absurd, while will says that the meaningless is always absurd.

Y: I think exposing the way we attach meaning to things reveals the absurdity inherent to the human condition.

W: The meaningless is absurd by definition. Go look it up. And I agree with Yasmin here, we've just kind of revealed how we're waiting for Godot.

K: I AM NOT waiting for anything, I'm shredding shit everyday and while it all might be meaningless… it's not in the here and now, because I effect things… my actions have reactions… maybe after I turn back into dust and my synapsyes stop firing it won't have any meaning…though I doubt that, because memory is real, but until then… I'm keepin' it real. And Meta-Po WILL raise it's ugly head one of these days… be warned! And could either of you define the human condition for me?

W: The human condition is what you make of it. If you can somehow manage to make meta-po a useful term, I will give you a pat on the back.

K: And a dollar?

W: If your lucky.

K: Well, gimmie a pat and a dollar, cause Meta-Po has inspired a great hour or so of email conversation… that's pretty fuckin' useful.

W: I'll give you a dollar for that.

Just for the sake of it.

A quick rundown of the week to come:

Work-y work-y Mon-Fri.

Fin.

Roll credits.

Deleted Scenes:

1. The Rickshaw Dumpling Bar rules. It's on 23rd b/t 5th and 6th (north side of the street). So far I've tested their chicken and thai basil dumplings, peking duck dumplings, salad, and edamame. Their hoisin sauce and peanut sauce (with coconut?) are both awesome. It's not a bargain, but the cost of a lunch is comparable to most other places in the area.

2. I saw Gunner Palace last night, which is a documentary about soldiers stationed in Baghdad. Check it out if you haven't. It's really the only imagery of the war that I've seen, and was interesting for that if nothing else. I'm still not quite sure what to make of it, though, in terms of how it makes me feel about the war. The movie certainly portrays the occupation as a disorganized, chaotic operation. There's some really amazing, poignant rapping (possibly freestyle?) done by a few of the soldiers, too, that I think puts a lot of mainstream hip-hop to shame. In terms of "keeping it real," Jay-Z, Ludacris, and Juvinile don't have anything on these guys. They're working on making a soundtrack. I look forward to owning it.

3. Speaking of hip-hop, I think I'm finally finding my niche in that realm. I don't empathize much with the gangsta or hustler modes, but there are a few more socially conscious rappers--Talib Kweli, Kanye West, Che Fu, and my ex-co-worker's boy, Chaz--who I'm enjoying. I find myself getting excited by a clever turn of phrase and particularly fast or smooth rhythms and rhymes. The a cappella part at the beginning of Kanye's "Get 'Em High" is especially sweet.

4. Lists are cool.

5. More overhire theater work is coming my way. Joy.

6. I have a play date this week with Yasmin's cat, Sarah. I think we will become fast friends. Cats are also cool.

Captain's blog, Earth date: March 19th, 2005. . .

I am officially king of the hippoes. I had more invoices to get through than my boss. The last time I saw her backlog of invoices, the stack was thicker than G.W.B.'s skull, which is to say, there were an ass-load of invoices, which is to say, I now have more than an ass-load of invoices.

Spring is now unofficially here. Soccer in Prospect Park is in full swing. I made the idiot decision to wear my new turf shoes and now my heels are all blistered and my playing time was cut short. However, in the brief time I was blundering about the field like an epileptic after a light show, I did make some decent plays. Hopefully the weather will stay as is tomorrow and I can head back out with taped-up feet.

Tonight I dine on sketch comedy, courtesy of Elana's comedy troupe, Abearable. I'll be running boards for them next weekend. Those interested in funny people doing funny things should check them out Saturday, March 26 @ 7pm at Juvie Hall (www.juviehall.com)
24 Bond St. (btw. Bowery & Lafayette) for $5.00 (I dunno if there's a drink minimum). If I'm lucky, I'll get out of their rehearsal early enough to go check out Cubicle's show (Lynne Rosenburg's comedy troupe) at Rose's Turn (55 Grove Street & 7th, $5 cover and 2 drink miniumum) at 9pm. They are also funny people doing funny things.