Thursday, November 13, 2008


sometimes when i go to work and then stare at my computer screen for
multiple consecutive hours, my brain goes on hiatus such that it will
not really function in any sort of active capacity, but only in a
reactionary capacity. and to get it to shift out of neutral and
accelerate requires massive amounts of mental oomph.

at night, i find the opposite. i can think and think and think putting
forth virtually no effort at all and there are occasions when i can't
stop thinking (a problem that seems to afflict a number of people i
know). and not only that but i can think in both broad strokes and
about the minutiae about virtually anything, from Armageddon, to pen
nibs, to the exploitation of sweatshop workers in southeast asia. my
nighttime thinking is often transportational—i can think myself into
various situations, with a heightened sense of empathy. i often am at
my most honestly self-reflective at night as well. and there have been
many occasions when i've composed letters in my head right before
going to sleep—thanks, apologies, or other sentiments—that seem at the
time extremely important things to say, but of course the next day,
the urge is lessened and i have an inability to recreate the words
just so.

for some reason i think most people are more thoughtful and honest at
night. probably right before they go to sleep. maybe this sense is
just a result of my self-centeredness—an assumption that everyone else
is like me or should be like me.

i wonder why this oscillation in thought (or lack thereof) occurs. is
the structured environment of an office actually destructive with
respect to thought processes? is the night some bizarre psychological
security blanket that allows the brain to wander off in any direction
without worry? maybe it's just the distraction of the computer with
its easily manipulated controls and infinite entertainments that
placates. it would be. stupid computers. (this is how bill gates took
over the world. it's diabolical!)

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